Back in the haze

My mood is a very predictable thing. Although I’m usually very optimistic, and excited about my business ventures, I always have periods of doubt or as I like to call it: the haze. The haze for me means lack of direction, a shortage of that “can do,” and “opportunity everywhere,” state of mind. When I’m in the haze my creative spirit dries up, my broad shoulders weaken, and usually everything within my company comes to a screeching halt. And despite having 3 members on board with this company I’m currently working on, this haze is the same as all the others.
I’m a firm believer in the power of intention. I won’t get into how or why I think it works, but I do believe in it. And I truly believe that if you believe (sorry for over using the word) in receiving something you ask for (I don’t mean believe like you believe the White Sox are going to win the world series, I mean believe like you know where you are sitting right here and right now with all your mind and body), you will get it. The real beauty of this mindset is that as things you asked for start coming to fruition, you ask for more and more, and receive more and more.
But when I’m in the haze, I don’t ask for anything-actually I can’t even think of things I want. It’s like trying to suck that pesky ice cube off the bottom of a McDonald’s cup, you know it’s there because you can hear it rattling, but no matter how much you shake and pound it won’t drop into your mouth. That’s how my brain feels in the haze. I know there are thoughts rattling around because they were overflowing last week, but now it’s just a teasing blur. The whole point of this post is an attempt to learn how to quickly crawl out of the haze. I have learned a few things that always seem to happen when “in the haze.”

  • Frustration: I feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and stuck. I quickly go into action, aggressively reaching out to others I’ve never spoken to before in hopes they can provide an answer or some guidance. This ultimately is how I’ve made most of my best connections over the last 6 months
  • Beating myself up: The haze usually comes (interestingly enough) during a period of exercise neglect. When I miss a few days of exercise, I beat myself up about it. And as I beat myself up about it, my body and spirit gets beat down, thus making it harder for me to wake up and exercise in the first place, which then encourages more beating. It’s a vicious cycle.
  • I reach out for a schedule: It’s funny how much I hate being told what to do and when, yet I yearn for a solid schedule of exercise, work, and fun. In a time of haze, I seek out what seems o be a fix: the ultimate, organized schedule. The funny thing is once the schedule pulls me out of the haze, it begins to fall apart.

I’m starting to think that the haze is a result of trying to hard instead of believing and allowing. It’s like scolding yourself for not going to sleep, and then trying to force it. Everyone knows the more you think about falling asleep, the more you beat yourself up for not doing it, the harder it is. It’s only in the moment of letting go, that sleep comes without any trouble. So here are my goals for exiting the haze:

  • Deep breath, release- it doesn’t have to happen all at once, believe and allow
  • exercise, not to prevent the beating up, but to keep the juices flowing
  • connect with 5 people I’ve never spoken to
  • enjoy the haze- it’s part of who I am, and it’s my body telling me to take a step back and reconnect with what’s important
  • meditate

Life’s about the journey, not the destination. The haze isn’t too bad, actually. It’s a change of scenery.

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