the only thing that matters is you

In an attempt to slowly move forward, my sister, tom (tom thankfully has been doing this for Andrea and I when we were unable) and I are trying to clear away some of my mom’s clothing.  It’s incredibly difficult to see these items that are obvious remnants of a healthy happy past.  Many of the items I can clearly visualize on my mom while we took walks at the park, went for a drive, hung out in her beloved garden, went out to happy dinners, traveled to Florida, watched a movie together, learned together, laughed together, hugged each other…She has so many clothes.  Clothes that have never been worn, others not worn in years, and some worn thin.  But these clothes look so funny and out of place now. It suddenly becomes so clear on what they really are, nothing more than strands of fabric carefully woven together.  They are worth nothing, have no life, without mom.  The only that matters was her, who she was, how she was, and how we love her.  She has left many items around the house, but none of them are worth anything without her, and now their only value is that they allow us to fully remember her.

How many items do I get sucked into believing in?  How important are the clothes I put on everyday?  Can a brand new suit really make me a better person? Can a nice car really make me more love able or make me love more?  Can a big house really make my friendships stronger?  It’s so incredibly hard to strip away all the layers and it is unfortunate that it takes situations like this (for me at least) to get down to this level.  It’s not what you have, who you know, what you’ve done…it’s just you.  When it’s all said and done for you on this earth, the only thing people will care to talk about is you.

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