what to do next?

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I feel like this is a question I’m constantly asking,  and perhaps that is part of the issue, but I feel like I’m really at decision point on what to do next.  As I touched on in this post, I had a big project I was working on come to an end in May / June and since then I’ve been thinking a lot about the question: “what to do next?”  Now don’t get me wrong, my current situation is actually very good.  I’ve got a very good consulting gig working on a startup that is not short on energy, excitement, or capital.  It’s been fun to work with people who really passionate about what they’re doing, and it’s been nice to not worry about paying my bills.  It has been a great summer experience, and at the very least I’ve helped get an interesting concept off the ground and assist another entrepreneur in pursuing his dream, all while putting a little money in my pocket (I’ll share concept when it is live).  That’s a good thing, but truth be told I know that this is only another project for me. I know that 6 months from now I’d like to be back on my own, pursuing a concept, industry, niche I feel more personally connected to.

I know I’ve talked much about finding a purpose and pursuing a passion, but I’ve backed off that a bit.  There is something very heavy in telling yourself that you must find and work on your passion, your calling.  Especially when you’re like me, and you are interested and excited about all sorts of things.  How do you pick one thing when you have ten that seem interesting in front of you?  Add to that the weight of picking the one that is your purpose, and you end up stuck…as I have been many times before.  I will say though, I don’t really feel stuck at the moment.  I’m moving forward and picking up skills and connections that will help me down the road, but I still am in the same position of not knowing exactly what road I want to at least try and go down.  Simply put: I’m not sure what to do next.  I don’t want to carry all that pressure of finding my calling, and I don’t want to just go with the flow like a stick in the stream.  I want to go forward with something that is especially interesting to me, something that feels good, but I am not worried about it being “it.”  I just want to feel close personally to what I’m working on (I will not make the mistake again of investing time, energy, and money into something that I don’t care about, no matter how good of an idea it seems).

I do consider myself very lucky to still be in a position in my life where I can seriously ask this question, and at least feel like I’m in a position to pursue the answer.  My responsibilities are fairly light, and I’ve been at this long enough to have a good group of people around me who support whatever I want to do.  I look at the world and honestly feel that I could do anything.  I’ve always felt that way.  Or maybe deep down I don’t.  Maybe that is why I can never seem to answer that question because if I don’t answer it, then I don’t have to do it. OK now I’m just making things complicated.

Man this post seems like a giant circle, perhaps that is part of the issue here.  I think part of my answering this question is to write more.  I want to write here more.  I think I want to list things I know I don’t like / want.   I want to go back and explore my past writings, maybe even update my careerography, reach out to more people I admire, but what else?

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